As another Thanksgiving rears its head for us to spend time with family and friends, and to eat shitty food no one really likes, let us all pause to remember those of our ancestors who allowed for us to sit in peace and eat until we are literally uncomfortable.
Let us give thanks and be glad that pioneers like Boner Adams stormed the beaches of what they thought were the West Indies, raped a bunch of women, threw a bunch of babies into roaring fires, and beheaded most of the men. Later that night, everyone really calmed down and had some chow at the same table.
Also, the settlers gave the Indians the plague. Haha, take that, Indians!
Above, Boner is seen posing next to his Thanksgiving meal. He never much cared for turkeys, and opted for deer meat instead. Allegedly he liked the taste of the blood running down his lips as he sneered at his children and slapped his wives.
"Thanksgiving? Ha! Give me some slaves and I shall thank them
with more work! But the giving - tis a gift, giving is! Give me some
more slaw for my plate and some adhesive for your lips!"
- Boner Adams, circa 1707
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